Type what you want here!

Cause your everything is just so worth it.

Even if waiting for you,

means sending me to heaven,

I'd still wait.

I'll never forget the way you loved me.

sometimes i really dont know how to help you, even when you're feeling that helpless.. I want to help, but im lost for words too. I lost what i've wanted to say. And i think, thats the reason why i lost you too..

I read your past entries. I find myself dumb. Suddenly woke up at late midnight abd wondering whether did you update your blog. Finally i cant take it and so i went to the comp. And started to read your past entries. I dint deny, it affected me, somehow. The way you loved her and stuff.. Jealousy and fear overwhelme me. I dont know why, just feel that, one day, a girl that you used to love so much will take you away.

I told myself, if she ever take you away, that would be better. Cause i know i wont make a good and nice girlfriend. I have to give up. But i think i just dont have the motivation to give up? Or i need someone to replace her? Ah well, i hope that person wont come, so she wont be replaced. Okay, im dumb.

As usual, creid after your every entry. Fuck man, i never thought it would still affect me, such whole lot. I regretted not opening myself up to you. To make you feel that im not happy when im with you.Its not that, dear. Just that i dont know how to open myself up. I dont know how to break those news to you, when knowing you alr got so much to carry. I can bear to see you struggling like mad. I so much wanted to ask you to let go. You may say that im cruel and stuff. I want you to let go, not because i dont love you no more. Just that i dont want to see you suffer with so much things bothering you. And i know, one of the reason is because of my mum. Im really afraid that someday, she will call you and question you like how she did last time. Im so fucking afraid that i felt so helpless. I dared not tell you, cause i know, telling you means that i've got to add on to your misery.

we kept so much things inside us that we dont have enough faith and trust between us. Thought that keeping things, would be better for us, cause we wont break each other's heart by saying all those out. But who knows, all these lead us to break up.. I regret not opening myself up to you.

Esther really looked like me, i realised. Everything, including names. Oh, wtf luh. And she has the same watch as me. Same colour somemore.. And seeing you tday was really a shock of my life. The moment i turn my back against you, i teared. Scold me dumb, but i really dont know why.

And fuck k. I though that xmas was in nov. But actually its in dec. I actually forgot when is xmas lahhhh. KILL MEEEEE! And it really scared me, i thought that i wont have enough money to buy that pair of Nike Dunks for someone. But! I still can save now! If i dont go out. ((: But what colour?????? BROWN AND BLUEEEE! AHAHA!! That really suit colleage life aye? Nike dunks and Crhmpler bag, i tell you, this is what Pj guys like to carry around. HAHAHHHH! SO, IM GETTING NIKE DUNKS FOR XMAS PRESENT! Instead of puzzle. Cause i dont know how to fix puzzleeeeeee. ((:

And Jl's blog just reminded me of D Cube. Ah, hell lahh. I havent met them for like dont know how mnay months alr. Except for felix, i can see him every single day in schoolllllll. But i want others. )): How am i going to find them when their school is so far? Except for Luna luh, IJC, okay quite near. But she where got time for me? Others leh, Raffles, Victoria, Xinmin, Maris stella, Tanjong katong girls, AJC and TJC. Oh, wth luh... Still remembering those things that we used to do is enough to make me cry for them. Cookie monster and ben & jerry's ice cream motivation. And ice kachang is important too. I will never forget the time when we all went to dover coffee shop to have our lunch that afternoon after camp. And we all ordered ice kachang cause Andrew Tham dint had ice kachang before.. Ohwell.. I miss those nights where Serena and me kept talking and couldnt get to sleep. I miss those times when sousata kept asking me to go toilet with her. I missed the hike when Andrew Tham kept shouting Pynx full name (Athittaya Jirapanasom) and we played HAI DAI! And vampire. And Luna's get LOST when the meaning was Leaders On Special Training. And Mac almost went mad while teaching us TJC's claps. Esp me, i only remembered the first part and not the rest. Still remembering the outdoor cooking, Andrew and me made kimchi with onions, cabbage and sadin. And Serena and me cooked it. And my screamings! I know they wont forget, cause knowing me, its once in a life time. I bet they will never meet another girl who is scared of almost everything and screamed at the slightest thing. And the one who dont even know how to hold a broom proply and sweep the floor. And of cause, i wont forget Adrain. The one who dote on me so muchhh and always looking at what i've got to say while writing my reflactions. He's so niceeeee. And he made everyone of us an ice-cream stick with our name on it. I hope, wish, nobody throws that away. I love him, really.. Hes the best instructor ever, i swear. I hope MOE would organize it again next year, and i can go again!